8 of the Manliest Sports
Human beings have played tight athletic games for as long as there is recorded history. In modern times they have become heavily commercialized and regulated. However, there are a few sports played today that have preserved a sense of the savage manliness that characterized earlier sports (think: gladiators. Real men.) These 8 sports were chosen for their man-factor. Physical contact, body hair, and common injury level were all taken into account. Enjoy: click each sport’s title or picture for a video demonstrating their relative manliness.
Calcio Fiorentino
This Italian sport originated in 16th century Florence. Called Bareknuckle Football, it’s a manlier version of, well, everything. Punching, head-butting, and choking are all legal. In 50 minutes each team tries to score as many points (cacce) as possible. In simpler terms this means that whichever team beats up the other more effectively will win. The closest thing we have to modern day gladiatorial combat. Seriously, they used to release prisoners to perform. Manly.
Rugby
A game played primarily in Britain and its former colonies, rugby is a ball-sport played with a prolate spheroid. Or a fat football, whichever you prefer. Its a game with no pads and huge hairy dudes, the ‘scrum’ is where most of the violence occurs. Punching, kicking, stomping are all common. And click on the title to see some of the biggest hits in recent years — makes American Football look like a sport for pansies.
Hurling
Essentially lacrosse for real guys. Hurling comes from Ireland, and is also played without protective padding. Players attempt to score goals with wooden axe-shaped sticks; it’s widely known as being the world’s fastest field team sport in terms of game play. Tackling is permitted, as is two handed strikes and jabs with the stick. No need for a helmet here, unlike lacrosse players these guys have already been hit in the head enough times for it not to matter. Honestly, they hit a hard cork and leather ball at each other’s heads at close to a hundred miles an hour.
Competitive Eating
Don’t think these men only eat delicious hot dogs in vast quantities — they also consume food items from Garlicky Greens to Mayonnaise. Training is discouraged, and puking is grounds for disqualification. In the 1990′s Competitive Eating disappeared for several years due to choking deaths. One of the great sports rivalries has developed at the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi have gone dog to dog the last couple years, Chestnut bringing the gold back to America last year by consuming 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes (a new world record). Well done Joey.
MMA
There are few things manlier than fights inside a locked cage. Maybe it would be manlier if the fight was between a mountain man and an angry grizzly bear. In any case, we don’t condone violence for the sake of violence, but we do condone regulated violence for manly entertainment. We appreciate the toughness of UFC competitors, and are thankful for the fact they’re in the cage, if only so we don’t have to be. And holy crap you need to check out the video for this one — there might be nothing manlier than a double knockout.
Bull Riding
Cowboys must have been super bored in the late 1800′s when they decided to try and sit on a super pissed bull. They also must not have been very bright — after all, who would choose 8 seconds as the goal time? The bulls weigh between 1800 and 2000 pounds. And they’re super-duper angry. Often called the “most dangerous 8 seconds in sports” rodeo boys are a breed of their own (excuse the pun).
Slamball
Slamball is a variation on basketball that was invented in 2001. The primary difference between basketball and Slamball is the four, very obvious, trampolines positioned under each of the padded hoops. These allow the players to get much higher when they jump and lead to awesome action. Scoring follows the same rules as in basketball, with the notable exception that slam dunks are worth three points. In addition to having the trampolines, the sport differs in that players wear protective padding and are allowed to be much rougher than in regular basketball. Slamball is undoubtedly a manly sport.
Demolition Derby
Just having cars wouldn’t be enough for any of the true men out there. Why would you use a car to go and buy groceries, or transport your child to school? Instead, go ahead and gather a bunch of them together and slam into each other until they break. The greatest of industrial minds congregated to produce this magnificent sport. Let’s hope the drivers don’t die from too many concussions before my children have a chance to see this tribute to thick-necked manliness.
March 4th, 2009 at 4:54 am
[...] you like trampolines you can check out our 8 of the Manliest Sports article which has a section about Slamball, an adaptation of basketball that allows more physical [...]
March 27th, 2009 at 7:04 am
RE: Hurling, eh…as you can kind of see in your own picture, some hurlers do wear helmets, its just that its a matter of personal preference rather than a rule like in panty-waisted lacrosse or American football. Others do not as they are worried it might give the impression that they are afraid of getting their skulls cracked open.
Also, the ball is made of leather, still pretty hard, but not quite ‘wood’.
March 27th, 2009 at 8:15 am
[...] Manliest Sports at Super Tight Stuff. Tagged: 8 of the manliest sports, manliest sports, sports for real [...]
March 27th, 2009 at 9:31 am
[...] When it comes to sports, there are wussy sports, like the drum corps, and there are really manly sports. Say, for instance, rugby, which is like football but with more punching, less padding, and almost no stopping. Hurling is also pretty awesome, as it’s lacrosse but without helmets and with axe handles instead of composite poles. Then there’s the manliest sport of all: Calcio Fiorentino. Don’t know what it is? Well then, you need to educate yourself on the 8 manliest sports ever invented. [...]
March 27th, 2009 at 10:36 am
“makes American Football look like a sport for pansies”
Nice hits, but in American Football all of those other guys wouldn’t be standing around watching, they would be hitting each other, i.e. blocking, to attempt to minimize the full speed collisions. Those rugby hits show one guy running with the ball and his “teammates” hanging out like pansies.
March 28th, 2009 at 1:12 am
slam ball?! you gonna be kidding me.. this sport is a joke..
March 28th, 2009 at 4:20 am
[...] all you need to do is run a quick search for them. For other tight sports, check out our post about 8 of the Manliest Sports. Share and [...]
March 28th, 2009 at 6:06 am
[...] you in your displays of physical prowess this Spring, Super Tight Stuff has a listicle detailing 8 of the Manliest Sports. A gender-politics disclaimer before we continue: “Manliest” here denotes the socially [...]
March 28th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Johnny, in rugby you don’t block for your runners because you always need to be ready to accept a pass and run yourself. Unlike football where the play stops every 15 seconds, rugby keeps going. After the man goes down, all of those burly dudes you saw “standing around” are going to start punching, kicking, and pushing anyone standing between them and the ball on the ground (including your own teammates).
March 28th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Johnny Says:
March 27th, 2009 at 10:36 am
“makes American Football look like a sport for pansies”
Nice hits, but in American Football all of those other guys wouldn’t be standing around watching, they would be hitting each other, i.e. blocking, to attempt to minimize the full speed collisions. Those rugby hits show one guy running with the ball and his “teammates” hanging out like pansies.
___________
Would American football players play without all the protection?
March 28th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Hey Johnny
all those guys “standing around” play 90 minutes with one short break at half time. What the hits vid doesn’t show you is what happens after those guys get tackled. The game continues with rucks and mauls.
That being said
Football players wear the equipment for a reason. The pure athleticism and explosiveness of NCAA and NFL players is not matched in any sport.
Now, the fact that slamball is on this list is a joke, Boxing anyone?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRZWMF430NQ&feature=related
Also check out “Kabaddi”. It’s like team wrestling, tag and Sumo combined. Guys called “raiders attack the other team and try to eliminate an opposing player. Only he has to do it while holding his breath the whole time. Crazy.
March 29th, 2009 at 1:37 am
UFC is not a sport. The UFC is a brand. Ultimate Fight Championship which is no different than the NFL. MMA is the sport. Mixed martial arts. Get your shit straight.
March 29th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
We apologize for making some mistakes, that comes with the territory of making content in a timely manner. I’ve edited the post, so thank you fighter for your insight.
March 29th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
That wasn’t rugby – that’s rugby league – different sport
March 29th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
[...] a sense of the savage manliness that characterized earlier sports (think: gladiators. Real men.) These 8 sports were chosen for their man-factor. Physical contact, body hair, and common injury level were all taken into [...]
March 30th, 2009 at 1:00 am
2 more i can think of bull fighting in spain,muay thai in thailand
March 30th, 2009 at 4:49 am
[...] 8 of the manliest sports. [...]
March 30th, 2009 at 4:53 am
As yojason said, that wasn’t Rugby Union which is more commonly called Rugby, that was Rugby League the superior of the two, it is a lot faster than Union and more aggresive too which makes it the more entertaining of the two, Union is also very stop-start, stop-start whereas League is continuous.
March 30th, 2009 at 7:51 am
Slamball, gee how about American Gladiator….
What a joke?
Dodgeball is more manly than Slamball!
March 30th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Water Polo is the manliest sport ever. Combine the strength, speed and coordination of boxing, wrestling and basketball with the conditioning of a long distance swimmer and you have a manly sport.
March 30th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
[...] supertightstuff.com 38 Cпорт | Италия | Спорт | флорентийский футбол | [...]
March 30th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
The “Rugby” clip is a mixture of union and league codes.. both being brutal.
May 21st, 2009 at 6:39 am
Sorry. No way in hell slam ball is manly. I can name many many more sports that are more manly than this lame sport. Skydiving, boxing, skateboarding, hockey, and MAYBE even (xtreme) rollerblading is more manly. Great job on everything else though.
June 4th, 2009 at 6:42 am
Interesting Blog there pal.
October 28th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Don’t care how tuff you are or the sport… riding those bulls will bring you down to earth real quick!! Ultimate macho sport….!!!!!
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